We are an all-inclusive company scientifically grounded in the tradition of helping men survive the trauma of divorce.
We make your divorce recovery and subsequent personal transition to life after divorce
EASIER, FASTER, SMOOTHER, and LESS TRAUMATIC!
1. Special Emphasis: Men Recovering from Divorce
We specialize in helping men make a fast and full recovery from divorce and a smooth transition into their life after divorce. Participants in this program return to life’s mainstream whole, happy, and equipped to leap into the next chapter of their lives with confidence, courage, and a new-found excitement to realize the wonderful future they deserve.
Man2Man Divorce Recovery aims to (1) end the PAIN of divorce or breakup, (2) dissolve the FEAR of an unknown future life after divorce, and, (3) do it up to 10 Times FASTER than any other method.
2. Core Beliefs
The Ultimate Goal is to Make a Transition, Not a Just Recovery, from Divorce
The essence of recovery is “reclaiming or retrieving” something that was lost in the past. The essence of transition is “moving on” to something new in the future. We believe the post-divorce mission should be to facilitate a fast and smooth transition from how life used to be before the divorce to how life is now after the divorce, in which you are thriving in your new life circumstances.
Divorce Is an Equal-Opportunity Source of Misery — and Hope
Male or female; straight or GLBT; black, white, brown, or whatever; or from any religious tradition: a broken relationship is a broken relationship regardless, and we all suffer the same. The sooner and the more completely we can deal with and bring to completion our relationship that has died, the sooner we can turn our attention and energy to living the life we desire and deserve.
Garden Variety Resistance to Change is the Problem, not Some Mental Incapacity
Difficulty in making a transition from divorce has traditionally been assumed to be a mental health problem.
Since strong emotions are part of divorce and the divorce transition process, the temptation is to assume divorce triggers mental problems and divorce transition requires some deep, psychological mystery to be solved. Psychotherapy has been the logical choice for intervention.
It has been my personal experience, as well as my professional observation working with clients, that this assumption is not founded.
The secret to returning to the mainstream of life after divorce, whole, happy, and confident is not by sorting through past drama and trauma while growing up (as you do in therapy), but by learning how to let go of the attachments to how life used to be when you were married. That is, releasing your desire to maintain the pre-divorce status quo. Only then can you take full advantage of all the good that is available in your present-day life after divorce.
The name for this process is “Dissolving Resistance to Change.” It is present in every major life transition. Its elimination is necessary to move on and thrive in your new life circumstances.
The process to dissolve resistance to change is not therapy. It is a common-sense application of what you have already learned through your life experience every time you were forced to make any life transition that jars you off the status quo. This process solves divorced clients’ problems of ending their pain from the trauma, dissolving their fear of an unknown future, and returning their life to the mainstream—up to 10 times faster than the norm.
Divorce imposes on us a new set of living circumstances. We may not want the new living circumstances. We may not like the new living circumstances. We may believe that having the new living circumstances imposed on us is unfair. We may not like the people who caused these new living circumstances to be our daily reality. However, the fact remains, this is our new life. Our choice is either (1) to deny the certainty of our new life circumstances, hoping (in vain) to return to how things used to be, or (2) to embrace the positive potential inherent in our new life situation by dissolving our all-too-human tendency to resist making any major change in our life.
Is This a Faith-Based Program?
No, it is grounded in the social psychological scientific tradition of how to dissolve resistance to change. However, even though this is not a faith-based program, your faith can prove to be very helpful. Having a solid source of courage and hope is crucial for facing the inevitable uncertainties of stepping out into an unknown future. One’s faith can prove invaluable in facing the unpredictable nature of your as-of-yet-unknown life after divorce.
Social Interaction is Very Important for Healing
We recognize the critical importance of social contact and support. Note that we do not talk in terms of a DIY or “Do It Yourself” option. Making a transition from divorce is not an “independent studies” project or a purely intellectual exercise. A fast and complete Transition from Divorce cannot be accomplished inside the private confines of our head. Knowing the right stuff is necessary, but not sufficient in itself, to successfully make the transition. Healing from divorce requires a truthful social connection with someone who has no personal agenda for us, and with whom we feel free to share our feelings, fears, and thoughts about our divorce as well as our life after divorce. Note that this rules out new lovers, family, and many close friends. We not only must figure out what is going on inside us, but also talk about it to an understanding, empathetic friend for healing to occur.
Divorce Transition Benefits from a Structured Program that Pinpoints the Uniqueness of the Post-Divorce Situation
Pure social support for the divorced person (like you receive in most divorce support groups), especially from others who are going through the same transition, is very useful in allaying fears that we are “crazy” or “terminally unique.” However, social support in and of itself does not enable the divorced person to make a full, healthy, and effective transition to the next chapter in their life. We believe a full transition requires a structured program calibrated to follow the unique issues and timing of the natural process of dissolving resistance to change from beginning to end.
The Coach’s Job Is to Raise the Right Issues at the Right Time; The Client’s Job is to Do the Work
We put responsibility on the coach for raising the right issues in the right order at the right time. The client takes responsibility for doing the work that will lead to a fast and full transition.
3. We Help You Avoid the “Three Curses of Divorce Transition!”
The “Three Curses” and how we protect you from them are:
Curse #1: It Takes Too Long. A typical divorce takes 3-5 years or longer to recover from. We can help you do it in 3-5 months!
Curse #2: It Breeds Ill Will and Anger. A typical divorce leaves you held hostage by the past, harboring ill will and resentment towards your ex, that prevents you from moving on. We have helped our clients reduce their negative feelings, on average, by 80%, and increase their positive feelings about life after divorce by 86%. We can do the same for you.
Curse #3: It Leaves You in Fear of Re-Divorce. A typical divorce leaves you feeling afraid your next relationship will end in divorce also — with good reason: 66% of 2nd marriages and 75% of 3rd marriages end in divorce. We can help you make sure that does NOT happen to you.
Smooth Divorce Transition provides a safe place to bring your pain, hopes, and fears. We offer you a proven program that (1) is targeted for the unique problems faced by individuals making their transition from divorce, and that (2) gives you a step-by-step road map that will swiftly return you to a normal, fulfilling “life after divorce.”
4. Our clients are enthusiastic in their gratitude.
“Your program left me put-back-together, freer, and whole.” — MH, New York Actor
“After my divorce, I was sad, disillusioned, hurt and bitter. With Jerald’s kind and compassionate approach, we worked through the program and restored a positive quality to my life.” — CP, NYC
“Following a highly contentious divorce, I was very angry, hurt, and afraid to make any demands on my ex to change the visitation agreement. … After working through the Smooth Divorce Recovery program, I was able to successfully work with my ex to change the visitation arrangements. We remain friendly to this day.” — MW, FL
5. Our Origins.
Smooth Divorce Transition represents the intersection of Founder Jerald Young‘s (1) life-long professional career focused on dissolving resistance to change, managing change, and building interpersonal trust, and (2) his personal life experience of being divorced twice and happily married since 1993.
Young’s Professional Side
After receiving his Ph.D. from Yale, Jerald was a professor at the University of Florida for 21 years. He taught courses in how to manage change and how to build trust in interpersonal relationships. His particular specialty was in how to dissolve resistance to change. In 1995 he left the university and opened an Organizational Development consulting firm, The Center for Stable Change. There he wrote a book, Me? Change? Not Now. Not Ever!, in which he developed a research-based program on how to dissolve resistance to change.
In 2003, he shifted his focus from helping managers dissolve resistance to change in the workplace to helping divorced individuals dissolve their resistance to change when they got divorced. The goal was to help divorced individuals reduce the pain of divorce and speed up their return to life’s mainstream.
Using a revised version of the original program on how to dissolve resistance to change as the basis for his practice, he founded Smooth Divorce Transition, a coaching firm dedicated to helping divorced individuals put their life back together after their divorce and to preparing them for the wonderfully fulfilling life they desire and deserve.
Young’s Personal Side
After 10 years of marriage and with two daughters, 6 and 8 years old, Jerald went through his first divorce. He continued to live in Florida while his wife moved to Colorado with their daughters. For the next twelve years he was a “long-distance dad,” seeing his children over Christmas and during the summer. He remarried and lived with his second wife and stepson for 14 years, after which he got divorced for the second time.
Since 1993 Jerald has been happily married to his third wife, Melissa Hart, and became step-father to another son and daughter.
With his professional training in dissolving resistance to change, combined with his two trips to divorce court, Jerald is uniquely qualified to help others going through a divorce transition. He understands the divorce transition process and how to manage the speed bumps along the way. He can also easily empathize with the emotions of others going through it. In a very real sense he has “been there, done that,” even has a couple t-shirts to show for his efforts. Since 2003, helping folks make a swift and smooth recovery transition has been his full-time career. He thoroughly enjoys helping others navigate the difficult waters of divorce transition.