There’s a popular term in our culture today: “closure”.
Well-meaning friends may decide that a clever cake, some beers with the boys, or an indulgent vacation will help a friend achieve “closure” after a divorce. And all too often, we tend to think that a new relationship or another marriage signifies that someone is “definitely over it!”
But here’s the real truth: A judge’s signature on a piece of paper doesn’t erase our hopes and dreams for what we wanted in marriage. We mistakenly assume that we’ll shed the past, much like a snake sheds its skin, and get on with life without looking back.
However, it just doesn’t work that way.
That’s why the first stage in the Smooth Divorce Recovery Program is called Stabilize the Present. At the very beginning, I work with clients to sort out their real losses from the perceived losses and get a clear picture of their situation, identify their personal resources for this transition in their life, and assess just how much they’re accepting the transition of divorce. Whether someone is recently divorced or still carrying the wounds from a relationship that ended ten years ago, the Divorce Recovery Stress Indicator helps identify their barriers to enjoying life after divorce.
I won’t deny there’s real value in having a strong support system, and a rich slice of cake can make anyone feel better about a failed relationship — in the moment. But in the long run, a successful recovery from divorce takes highly focused action. Which ultimately makes the beer, the indulgent vacation or the clever cake all that much sweeter.