“I’m So Over My Ex, I’m Ecstatic” – Assisted by Friends, is a program of targeted conversations designed to help you achieve a fast and full recovery from divorce. Clients will talk with one or more trusted personal friends as they go through the divorce recovery program. The program is organized around the following three steps and ten modules:
Step 1: Stabilize the Present
In Step 1, Stabilize the Present you identify and begin to dissolve the emotion-based reactions you are having to the divorce. You also begin to reduce the power of the reactions you have to giving up “how life used to be.” The modules of Step 1 are:
Module 1: Disentangle Yourself from Your Ex.
You are entering a new, exciting stage of your life. It is now time to start separating your life as it used to be from the life it is now becoming. Like a spider web with hundreds of strands, we are attached to our past life in numerous ways. This module begins the process of untangling the web of attachments so we can begin dissolving their power over our current life.
Module 2: Acknowledge the Trauma Divorce Caused.
Divorce is a traumatic incident in your life. You must identify what was actually injured and treat it in order to prevent it from defining the rest of your life. Like Marcia Salmon notes, “Divorce is an incident, not a lifestyle.” And divorce recovery is a process that begins here.
Module 3: Accept Your Ambivalence about Your Divorce.
You did not get married to your ex because you hated him or her. There were good times. There were the not-so-good times. Getting divorced causes ambivalence and second thoughts which need to be identified and dealt with. Knowing what you will miss, as well as what you no longer have to put up with, form the springboard for dealing with the confusion that naturally-occurring ambivalence brings.
Module 4: Clarify Your Goals for Divorce Recovery.
Tow do you know when your recovery from divorce is complete? Spoiler alert: It is not finding someone who fulfills what was missing in your old relationship. The vast majority of the times, people choose goals for their recovery that virtually guarantee failure. What you need are goals that will lead to a successful life after divorce. This module helps you appreciate your current level of progress toward a full recovery from divorce.
Step 2: Release the Past
In Step 2, Release the Past, you remove the barriers to a successful transition. The modules of Step 2 are:
Module 5: Dissolve the Effects of Fear.
Fear of an unknown future keeps us stuck in the past. You must reduce that fear in order to embrace your future with hope and happiness.
Module 6: Dissolve the Effects of Loss.
All life transitions, wanted or unwanted, result in some loss. Divorce is no different. However, almost all of us think we have lost more than we actually have. Don’t grieve it if you didn’t lose it.
Module 7: Bring the Relationship to Completion
All relationships end with important things left unexpressed. Figuring out what those things are and dealing with them frees us up to move on without the baggage that divorce creates.
Step 3: Prepare for the Future
In Step 3, Prepare for the Future, you take what you’ve learned from the divorce process and envision a new life that is most satisfying and rewarding. The modules of Step 3 are:
Module 8: Prepare for a Relationship
A successful relationship requires that you get what you need. We must engage our head in addition to our heart if we want our next committed relationship to succeed.
Module 9: Recalibrate Your Life: The New You
Divorce offers you an unprecedented opportunity to redefine who you are and how you want to live the next chapter in your life in the most personally meaningful way.
Module 10: Use the Past to Plan Your Future
Now is the time to take what you have learned and lay out your map for a happy, productive life after divorce. Like Antoine de Saint-Exupery said, “A goal without a plan is just a wish.”
Divorce Transition Assessment Package
The Divorce Transition Assessment Package uses a proprietary survey to monitor your general progress through the divorce recovery process. Several aspects of recovery are measured at four different times in the program, including your reactions to your life after divorce, your ex, and your future. At the end of the program, a before and after comparison of the various dimensions of recovery will illustrate and document your successful recovery from divorce.