1st Things 1st: Getting Uncoupled and Ending the Turmoil
If the divorce is not yet final and there is turmoil in your relationship with your spouse, then we first need to attend to the obvious and get your divorce finalized as fast and painlessly as possible. We call this Preliminary Step in the Divorce Recovery Process: 1st Things 1st: Getting Uncoupled.
1st Things 1st helps you understand and handle with cool self-confidence the 9 Stages of Getting Uncoupled. These stages include:
Stage 1: The Build Up – The Dumper’s discontent runs silent and deep. No one else knows.
The Dumper is slowly becoming aware of the severity of the problem in the relationship. The Dumpee is oblivious; sees issues as normal and routine.
Stage 2: The Dumper’s Decision – “I just can’t do this anymore.”
In quiet, solitary reflection the Dumper concludes that the marriage or relationship is over and admits to him or herself: “I can’t do this anymore.” At this point Job 1 for the Dumper becomes getting uncoupled.
Stage 3: The Dumpee’s World Explodes – “O god NO! Why is this happening to me?!”
The Dumper tells his/her spouse and the Dumpee’s life comes crashing down. Feeling devastated permeates all areas of Dumpee’s life. It feels permanent. Thankfully, it isn’t.
Stage 4: The Harsh Reality – “O, #%&*! This is really going to happen!”
The Dumpee comes to the realization that the marriage is over and divorce is a fact of life. The old relationship is forever changed. Habitual ways of communicating don’t work anymore. The result? Misunderstanding and frustration. Trust begins to erode. Job 1 for the Dumpee becomes getting uncoupled.
Stage 5: The Distractions and Diversions – “How can I avoid facing reality?”
Both parties resist getting uncoupled. Energy gets diverted to side issues such as affairs, reconciliation hopes, blaming, trying to live together, couples therapy, etc.
Stage 6: The Attempt to Uncouple Simply and Amicably – Trust is a wonderful thing.
Many couples want to divorce amicably: “Let’s do mediation.” This requires mutual trust, especially since full financial disclosure is required. No trust? It won’t work.
Stage 7: The Necessity to Uncouple with Force – Distrust is a very common thing.
Afraid your spouse might screw you? Letting lawyers fight for you is the only option. But beware! Your only goal is to get uncoupled with a fair, not lopsided, judgment.
Stage 8: The Final Decree – Finally, No More Whack-a-Mole!
With the Final Decree, your life changes from dealing with “what might be” to “what is.” It brings an end to unwanted surprises. Only now is true divorce recovery possible.
Stage 9: The Surprise that It’s Not Over Yet – “O god! There’s more? When will it ever end?”
After all the agony of getting uncoupled is finished, we hope, “That’s it! I’m over it!” Turns out we not. The good news: Now you can recover from your divorce without distraction and begin the next chapter in your life 10 times faster than the norm!