General Questions About the Program
What do you mean by “divorce?”
By “divorce” I mean the ending of any committed relationship, regardless of whether or not there are any legal papers involved.
Do you only work with clients who had a traditional marriage?
I work with clients who are recovering from a traditional divorce. I also work with clients who are recovering from the dissolution of a common-law marriage, civil union, domestic partnership, or gay marriage. Folks are folks. The end of any committed relationship brings trauma and pain that transcends all man-made laws or boundaries.
How common is it for people to have difficulty getting “back to normal” after divorce?
Everyone who goes through a divorce experiences some trouble getting back into the mainstream of life. All committed relationships carry along with them hopes, dreams, and expectations of the future. Divorce destroys many of these. To let go of our attachments to these hopes and dreams and to forge ahead into a future that is, by definition, unknown is difficult.
How long does it take to recover from a divorce? Does it really take 2 (or 3 or 4) years for every year of marriage?
Short answer: No. Recovering from divorce is not a function of time, but what you do with the time. Far too many people spend far too much time waiting to recover. Three to five years is not unusual. However, if you spend the time addressing the post-divorce issues that sabotage recovery, then the recovery time can be shortened dramatically. The Smooth Divorce Transition program described in this web site can reduce recovery time from the typical 3 to 5 years down to 3 to 5 months.
How long does the program take?
Everyone’s journey is unique. Experienced has shown that typically the minimum time necessary is between 12 to 14 sessions. Each session usually lasts 2 hours. Depending on the issues and needs of the individual situation, additional time may be required.
Is this program unique? How?
Yes, it its unique. In fact, it is one a kind. I provide a structured program that has a limited time frame and that uses new, comprehensive knowledge on how to dissolve resistance to change. This new approach to resistance to change is explained in detail in my book, Me? Change? Not Now. Not Ever! How to Dissolve Hardcore Resistance to Change in the Workplace, Oklahoma City (Editorial Annex), 2003. This book details the first practical prescription for how individuals can navigate any transition from how things are now to how you want them to be next, including the divorce recovery transition.
What do you actually do? How is it distinctive?
I coach, consult, mentor, and train my clients. I do not give them psychotherapy.
- As a coach, I help clients create actionable strategies for releasing their baggage caused by divorce and for returning to the “mainstream of life” with renewed hope.
- As a consultant, I use my specialized expertise in how to dissolve resistance to change to craft a discussion program that enables clients to actually release their baggage and regain their hope.
- As a mentor, I use my own experience of having been through divorce twice to help clients deal with specific issues as they come up.
- As a trainer, I occasionally call upon my training skills in interpersonal communication to help clients create, practice, and conduct difficult conversations with their ex.
What is the difference between coaching and therapy?
Therapy assumes the client is “sick” and needs healing. It looks to the past, and asks the question, “Why are you reacting the way you are?” The goal is to help the client/patient enhance self knowledge and increase personal insight. The therapy engagement typically has an open-ended time frame.
Coaching assumes the client is healthy, but “stuck.” It looks to the future and asks “What do you want the next chapter in your life to look like? What do you need to do in order to realize that goal?” What are the barriers to reaching it? How can you get around the barriers to realize your goal?” The goal is to help the client formulate and implement an action plan designed to reach his or her goals. The coaching engagement typically has a fixed, short-term time frame.
What about the distinctions among coaching, consulting and therapy?
The matrix below may help clarify the distinctions between coaching, consulting, and therapy:
|Client status||Healthy, but stuck||Healthy, but uninformed||Sick, needs healing|
|Who is the “expert?”||The client||The consultant||The therapist|
|Types of questions||Asks: What? How?||Asks: What? How?||Asks: Why?|
|Time focus||Present & future||Present & future||Past & present|
|Whose agenda?||Client sets it||Consultant sets it||Therapist sets it|
|Problem solving||Client solves problem||Consultant solves problem||Problem is analyzed and may or may not be solved. Why is it happening is analyzed.|
|Goal||New, effective behavior||Understanding of the situation||Self knowledge, personal insight|
|The Client’s need for information||Client has all info needed||Client needs additional information||Client needs additional information & insight|
|Role of consciousness||Works with conscious mind||Works with conscious mind||Works to bring unconscious into consciousness|
|Underlying model||Performance model||Information model||Medical model|
|Covered by insurance||No||No||Yes, with DSM-IV diagnosis. (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders – Fourth Edition)|
|Meaning of strong negative emotions||Indicates something in the situation is problematic||Indicates something in the situation is problematic||Indicates something about the client is problematic|
Will this program work for me?
While guaranteeing success for any one particular individual is not possible, the track record for clients who complete the program is very encouraging. For example:
- On average, clients who have completed the program report an 86% increase in positive feelings about their life after the divorce and an 80% decrease in negative reactions.
- One client was able to talk calmly with her ex about child visitation arrangements for the first time in two years.
- For the first time since her divorce four years previously, another client was able to talk to her ex and retrieve some nostalgic mementos her mother had given her.
Is this a “faith-based” program?
While totally consistent with any faith that provides a source of HOPE for its followers, this program is based on what we know from social science research about how to Dissolve Resistance to Making a Major Life Change and how to build lasting relationships.
Questions about Fees & Payments
How much does it cost?
The fee for Divorce Recovery Consulting and Coaching compares favorably to the fees for psychotherapy. Personal Coaching, Group Coaching, and the Self-Paced Recovery Guide program are all priced differently. The fees for each specific program can be found by clicking here.
Do you take insurance?
We do not take insurance. To qualify for insurance, a client must be certified as “sick” with a medical diagnosis according to the requirements of the DSM-IV. (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders – Fourth Edition). We don’t perceive our clients as sick, but “stuck” in realizing their goals.
Do you accept credit cards?
Yes. We accept Visa, and Mastercard.
Do you offer payment plans?
Questions about Meeting with Dr. Young in Person
What if my schedule does not enable me to meet in 2-hour blocks?
While 2-hour sessions enable us to “ride the momentum” created in the beginning of each session, meeting for 1 1/2 hour sessions is possible. The only consequence is that it may take a little longer to complete the process.
What should I bring?
All you need to bring is your willingness to talk about your reactions to the divorce and your desire to move on to the next chapter in your life.
Where would we meet?
For clients in the Minneapolis/St. Paul area, we will meet in my office in Golden Valley. Call 917 865-2710 for directions.
For clients outside the Twin Cities area, we will meet on the telephone.
Can I bring my kid?
In a word, no. We need to focus on how this difficult life transition is impacting your life. Children being present distract from your ability and freedom to give full focus on the transition issues we need to address.