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The Program for Divorce Transition

Welcome to the “BeFree” Divorce Transition Program!

The BeFree Divorce Transition Program is comprised of:

  • An innovative, step-by-step Core Program that
  • Eliminates the unique roadblocks faced by victims of divorce that prevent them from
  • Being able to Dissolve their Resistance to accepting and thriving in their new life circumstances.
  • Five Assessments monitor progress and highlight areas of needed development.
  • Several Support options with
  • A range of Price Points round out the system.

Our friends and relatives tell us to just go on with life and let time heal the pain. However, this does not work. Turns out, time by itself does not actually heal anything. And, left untreated, the pain can last a lifetime.

The good news? The BeFree Divorce Transition System can help you make that pain stop.

In considering how to make the pain stop and get back to the mainstream of life, we encourage you to ask six important questions:

  1. Is this program necessary?
  2. What’s wrong with using the “normal remedies”?
  3. What are the benefits of the program?
  4. Is there a logical, scientific basis for the program?
  5. What do our clients have to say about it?
  6. What are the consequences of not resolving these issues?

 

Is This Program Necessary?

 

The Short Answer Is: “Yes, most definitely!”

Because:

  1. Divorce causes PAIN and FEAR unlike any other which, if left unchecked, will
  2. Screw up your life for the next THREE to FIVE years or more, and, up until now,
  3. NOTHING ELSE WORKS to deliver a speedy, effective recovery with the
  4. Confidence your next relationship will not end up in DIVORCE COURT again

How Are You Suffering from the “Pain of Divorce Transition?”

The “Pain and Fear” of divorce lives with us in the form of such on-going emotional reactions as:

  • anger
  • resentment
  • rejection
  • guilt
  • disappointment
  • shame
  • failure
  • humiliation
  • confusion
  • embarrassment
  • fear
  • loss
  • grief
  • remorse
  • worry
  • helplessness
  • hopelessness
  • vulnerability
  • devastation
  • overwhelmed

Which ones of these hit home with you? What other ones are you feeling?

These disruptive and debilitating emotional reactions prevent us from moving on to the next chapter of our lives unencumbered by the past.

How Are You Haunted by the “Fear of Life after Divorce?”

Divorce, and all the heart-wrenching emotion-based reactions that come with it, forces us to realize that there is no way we can accurately predict the future. Some of the typical fears of an unknown future include the fear that:

  • I’ll never find true love again. I will always be alone and lonely.
  • I won’t be able to support myself and my kids.
  • I will lose all my friends and will end up alone.
  • I will never be able to realize all my hopes and dreams for my life.
  • My best years are behind me.
  • My children will be scarred for life.
  • Maybe I made a mistake and should have tried to make it work one more time.
  • I’ll never be able to return to a normal life again.
  • I will end up in a homeless shelter.
  • How will I ever get through this? Why is it taking so long? When will it ever end?
  • Will my ex be an on-going source of trouble in my life? And then the mother of all fears,
  • I won’t be able to handle being divorced and the pressures and demands of life after divorce.

Which of these fears are you living with? What are some others you are feeling?

These are examples of the “FEAR of LIFE after DIVORCE.” They are irrational, but they feel very real. All of us who have been through divorce experience them to some extent or another. They conspire to keep us stuck with one foot in the past which prevents us from stepping into the future in our life after divorce. Moving ahead into the next chapter of our life requires that this dark cloud of pessimism be dispersed and replaced by a new set of hopes.

These fears may sound weird. Just remember, these thoughts and reactions are absolutely normal. And even more importantly, they can be managed and diminished.

How Does the Pain and Fear Routinely Screw Up Your Life after Divorce?

Left untreated, our reactions to divorce “screw up our life” by sabotaging our efforts to effectively solve problems and make sound decisions during this very challenging time of major life transition. Making poor decisions can be expected in all the important areas of life after divorce:

  • dating choices
  • dealing with your ex
  • financial decisions
  • career and job decisions
  • decisions concerning if, when, and how to consult an attorney again, as offensive as it may seem.
  • child support payment and visitation issues
  • dealing with changes in spousal support

It is like divorce sets out traps that, when we get ensnared, screw up our ability Solve Problems and Make Decisions.

Would you like to see which trap you are most vulnerable to? The Likelihood of Re-Divorce

One common way to Screw Up your life after divorce is to have to get divorced again. If the core issues underlying these emotions and fears are not identified and resolved, you probably will end up in divorced again. No, really. The actual odds are you will get divorced again – IF you do not deal with the issues generated by divorce. These are the facts: 66% of 2nd marriages and 75% of 3rd marriages end in divorce. As if that’s not enough, not resolving the post-divorce problems will result in your staying stuck in the pain, fear, loss, grief and resentment that are triggered by divorce – even after you get remarried!

Why is this? Essentially it is because people do not learn from their past relationship failure(s).

The Smooth Divorce Transition Program a structured process that enables you to LEARN from your divorce-related experience SO THAT you are not doomed to repeat it in the future.

The Program identifies each of the problems triggered by divorce that threaten a successful recovery. Then it walks you through a step-by-step process to resolve them. And it does this up to 10 times faster than any other method.

 

 

What’s Wrong With Using the “Normal Remedies”?

 

The Three Universally Prescribed Remedies Are:

  1. Time heals everything,” so just give it time. (And, it’s free!)
  2. Attend a divorce support group, (plus, it’s free!)
  3. Psychotherapy: It’s free (if you have insurance), otherwise it’s expensive so it must be good!

Guess what? None of them help individuals make a swift and full transition from divorce!

  1. The adage that “time heals everything” is not true. It is not supported by the data.
  2. Support groups provide only one of several required steps for recovery. To use a baseball metaphor, divorce support groups get you to first base, but do not enable you to score.
  3. Therapy is a great solution – to a different problem.

Unfortunately, time doesn’t heal anything by itself, regardless of what our culture tells us. What is critical is what we do during the time. My sister-in-law waited 25 years. That should have been enough. It wasn’t.

Divorce support groups offer comfort and reassurance you are not crazy. They are psychologically safe places to discuss your feelings. It is reassuring to know you are not the only person going through the emotional upheaval that divorce causes. Unfortunately, support groups don’t go any further than that, and don’t help you resolve any of the very predictable underlying problems caused by divorce.

Therapy is a great solution – when the problem is gaining insight into the past. Unfortunately, what we need after a divorce or breakup is not an assessment of the past but a plan for today and a vision for the future. Insight can wait until after we have regained control and confidence over our lives.

Each of the three alternative remedies triggers a picture in my mind, plus one new option.

Would you like to see which picture describes your approach to divorce transition?

 

In short,

  1. The saying “Time heals everything” tells us to “wait and do nothing.
  2. Divorce support groups tell us to “do a little, then stop.”
  3. Therapy tells us to “do a lot – of the wrong thing.”

On the other hand, the Smooth Divorce Transition Program will give you proven strategies to identify and systematically resolve the unique divorce-transition problems faced by you and prepare you to move forward into a better future for yourself. This program shows you how to “do the right things in the right order” to achieve a fast and permanent transition from your divorce.

 

 

What Are the Benefits of the Program?

 

Some of the Benefits of the Program

Imagine your life in the near future in which you have realized the benefits of the Smooth Divorce Transition Program including:

  • You have broken free from the burden of difficult emotions caused by divorce.
  • A dramatic reduction of negative feelings about your life after divorce.
  • An equally remarkable increase in positive feelings about your new life and future.
  • You’ve traded the feelings of devastation for a sense of personal stability.
  • Regained control and composure over conversations with your ex (or soon-to-be ex),
  • Reduced your feelings of anger, resentment, and disappointment, all while
  • Maintaining your dignity and personal sense of worth.
  • Achieved a full transition in as little as 3 to 5 months – which is one tenth the time that is normally required,
  • Prevented wasting your time and money on ineffective, one-size-fits-all, generic pseudo “solutions.”
  • Eliminated the pain of divorce.
  • Dissolved your feelings of distress about your ex and about losing the good parts of the life you used to lead.
  • Dramatically diminished the fear of an unknown future.
  • Enhanced your quality of life.
  • Can now handle the inevitable changes life brings.
  • You can now say with realistic confidence, “My last divorce will be my last divorce!”

 Congratulations! How does it feel?

 

 

Is There a Logical, Scientific Basis for the Program?

 

Yes. Absolutely!

The Smooth Divorce Recovery Transition is firmly rooted in the social science research findings on how to dissolve resistance to making a major life change as originally described in my book. (Jerald W. Young, Me? Change? Not Now. Not Ever! How to Dissolve Resistance to Change in the Workplace, 2003.)

The 3 Steps in the Divorce Recovery Process

The vast majority of the emotion-based pain, fear, and difficulty experienced by almost everyone in their life after divorce can be traced to their reluctance to: (1) accept their divorce as a life-altering fact of life so that they can, (2) make the necessary adjustments and changes that will, (3) enable them to be happy and successful in the next chapter of their life.

The process for dissolving the natural, human resistance to embracing and thriving in the new life situation is comprised of the  following 3 Steps in the figure below:

Step 1: Stabilize Your Reactions to the Divorce. First, you must stabilize your emotion-based reactions to your divorce, your ex, and to your life after divorce. It does not matter whether the divorce is in progress, recently concluded, or happened years ago. This step is necessary because your emotion-based reactions distort reality and make it almost impossible to solve the tangible problems you face in your daily life after divorce.  In addition, your emotional reactions act like “super glue” holding you firmly attached to the life you used to lead in the past, but no longer have.

Step 2: Dissolve Your Reluctance to Accept Your New life Situation.  There were aspects of your past life that were enjoyable, especially in the beginning. No one, and I mean NO one, wants to give up good things in a relationship. We are all reluctant to fully accept our new life situation after our divorce. However, the harsh reality is that your past life with your ex no longer exists, it is no longer your current life.   In this step you release all the unneeded attachments to your past life with your ex. This includes  releasing your fear of an unknown future and dissolving your distress over your actual losses from the divorce. You will dissolve the attachments to the past you no longer need – while keeping those parts of the past that are still useful. In this step you dissolve your resistance to change by confronting and “right sizing” your fears and grieving your losses, the real losses, not the perceived ones. With the completion of this step, the debilitating effects of your emotion-based reactions are dissolved, allowing you to prepare for your future.

Step 3: Prepare for the Future. In this step you develop your plan for the future, including all four areas of your life: financial, health, self-development/self-expression, and love. Special attention is given to how to insure your next committed relationship will escape the fate of your last relationship. Your goal: Make your last divorce your last divorce.

These three steps are broken down into 10 modules, each addressing specific problems of divorce recovery.

Would you like to go behind the scene and see what specific problems each of the modules will resolve for you? Then, click the link below:

A detailed explanation of the 3-step, 10-module SDT Program

 

The program is structured, but not overly so. And, unlike support groups or therapy, it has a specific beginning, middle and end. Therefore, the time frame is limited, and ensures you will remain focused on moving forward by using a logical process with objective progress measurements. In other words, you will not get stuck in a loop, talking about the same issues over and over again.

 

 

What Do Our Clients Have To Say About It?

 

 Our Clients Have Spoken

A sampling of comments on the program that past clients have made includes:

"Best money I ever spent."

Tax Expert and Accountant MN January 8, 2015

"It would have been totally impossible for me to be currently dating the woman of my dreams had it not been for the SDR Program and its methodology for letting go of my relationship baggage from the past."        

Project Manager MN January 8, 2015

"Amazing. Just amazing. The distance I've come in such a short period of time of letting go of my ex and our past life. I just ran into my ex at the mall and all the anger and resentment were gone. I finally feel free to move on with my life without the burden of the past."

Paramedic TX January 8, 2015

"I could have never been able to deal with my vindictive ex during and after the divorce process without the security and guidance you and the SDR Program provided for me."

R.N. TX January 8, 2015

"A friend asked me, 'You seem relaxed and happy. How can that be after what your ex did to you?' I told him I found you and your SDR Program and it turned me around on a dime. Life is good and my future is bright thanks to you."

Businessman MN January 8, 2015

"After my divorce I was sad, disillusioned, hurt and bitter. With Jerald’s SDR Program and his kind and compassionate approach, we worked through the challenge and restored a positive quality to my life. For the first time in four years I am happy and free from my resentment. I have even found someone new to love – something I used to think totally impossible."  

Wall Street Executive NYC January 8, 2015

“After my divorce I felt insecure, emotionally unbalanced, old, disillusioned and on the verge of losing my career. My life faded to black and white tones and was falling apart. Over the length of the program, Jerald took me on a life-transforming journey. He helped me explore the devastated crater of my soul that divorce had left. Then he helped me dig out and polish the hidden diamond of my true self. As we progressed through the program, first I lost my fear of the future. Then I became free of the past and was able to discuss with ease the child related and financial issues with my ex. Surprisingly, I saw my life in color again and smelled a tint of coffee in Manhattan morning air. By the program’s completion, I rediscovered a new, strong, beautiful, and young person within. Jerald’s program makes sense of the divorce recovery process, expedites regeneration from the ashes, and reconnects you with the happy human being you were born to be. It makes your real self shine.”

Financial Advisor NYC January 8, 2015

 

 

What are the Consequences of NOT Resolving These Issues?

 

Beware the Consequences

I know it is scary to take the first step toward a fast and full transition. Having to admit to yourself, let alone to others, that you haven’t been able to shake the aftereffects of the breakup can be tough. However, the reality of staying stuck is much, much worse.

Imagine your future, one, three, five years down the road, if you do not address and resolve the problems caused by divorce. The picture will probably include such things as:

  • Another divorce is very likely since 66% of 2nd and 75% of 3rd marriages also end in divorce.
  • Your career will suffer since the pain and fear distract us at work so much that it routinely results in poor decision-making and substandard performance.
  • Visits to the emergency room if the work you do is physically dangerous. Mental distractions are a hallmark of divorce and cause workplace injuries.
  • Staying stuck in the pain and fear caused by divorce will also lead to difficulty dating, strained relationships with friends and family, and ultimately, an unfulfilled life.
  • Living your life at the mercy of all those unwanted emotions like fear, loss, grief, resentment, disappointment, shame, sense of failure, guilt, anger, etc.

 

 

Regardless of when your breakup happened, a month ago, a year ago, or a decade ago, you are at choice today. Now is the time for you to get started on the path to completing your transition from divorce.

Just know that you can get through this. This program can help.

The choice is yours. The time is now. Your future happiness awaits.

What will your choice be?

Click here to select a Divorce Transition Program that meets your specific needs

 

If your divorce is not final yet, Click Here for a Great Option: The 1st Things 1st Program