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Where do we get the confidence, courage, direction, and reassurance necessary to have a successful recovery from divorce?

Divorce Recovery and Your Hidden Strengths: Part 1

Find your hidden strengths for divorce recovery.

If you’re divorced or going through a divorce, you may be wondering how you’ll ever survive:

“I never thought I’d have to do this. I’ve never been in this predicament before.”
“Everything is new and threatening. I feel lost and afraid that things will never get better.”

These reactions are normal. Recovery from divorce is difficult at best. After all, it’s not something you personally do every day and feel competent at. However, it’s important to realize that you already possess all the personal resources you need to successfully recover from divorce.

What are they? I’m talking about the confidence that you can do it, a sense of the right direction in the midst of emotional chaos, the courage to press on when things seem unclear or even hopeless, and reassurance that you’re on the right track during the process.

And yes, I’m saying that you already possess them. In this first of two posts, we’ll take a look at two of your hidden strengths — and I’ll show you exactly how to find them.

1. CONFIDENCE: finding it in past blessings in disguise.
When it comes to successfully surviving unwanted change, we’ve all “been there, done that”. Think about it: getting over that awkward first love affair in junior high school, making a comeback after getting fired, or dealing with the illness or death of a friend or loved one: everyone has gone through unwanted change at some point in life. Eventually, when we come out the other side, we can still look back and see some good that came from the experience. In other words, we see the “Blessing in Disguise.”

Acknowledging a blessing born by change gives us confidence to face future change, including recovery from divorce. You may have no experience with divorce, but all life changes follow the same transition process. Therefore, what we learn from previous change we apply to divorce recovery. Blessings in disguise are tangible proof that we can do it again — because we’ve done it before.

The key to finding your confidence is simply to identify your blessings in disguise. These blessings are tangible proof that you can survive change again… because you’ve been handling change successfully all your life.

2. DIRECTION: finding it from your set of personal principles.
Going through a major life change, like divorce recovery, is like driving down the interstate in a fog. We try our best to keep the car in the road. However, when we drift too far to the left or right, we hear and feel the thump, thump, thump of the shoulder telling us we’re drifting off course. Our personal principles are the washboards that give us the thump-thump-thump warning we need when we start to drift off our desired path through divorce recovery.

Some principles will be especially important to maintain, while some of those important principles will be threatened by the divorce recovery process. To successfully navigate your recovery, you need to identify your core personal principles so you can protect and use them when faced with tough decisions in the recovery process.

Next week: Courage and Reassurance. Yes, you already have these, too.

In the meantime… to get a sense of the stressful reactions you may be having right now and how you compare to others in the same situation, take the Divorce Recovery Stress Indicator. And don’t forget that you can call me at 917-865-2710 for a free consultation in your smooth divorce recovery.

Divorce Recovery and Your Hidden Strengths: Part 2

Find your hidden strengths for divorce recovery, part 2Last week, we talked about Confidence and Direction: two of the four hidden strengths you already possess, and how they can help you navigate a successful divorce recovery.

This week, we’ll look at the other two:

3. COURAGE: find it within your personal source of hope.
It takes courage to go through divorce recovery, and that comes from hope. The more we believe in the potential for good, the more we free ourselves from paralyzing fear and loss. Staying focused on the hope for good allows us to thrive instead of merely survive. Nurturing an internal belief that some good exists in all situations allows us to use our recovery from divorce for positive growth.

But where does that hope come from? Your particular source of hope can be a solid belief in yourself, comfort from philosophical writings, faith in spiritual/religious beliefs, awe at the natural universe, or an unwavering trust in others who have already been through a divorce. The source itself doesn’t matter as long as it is meaningful and powerful to you. What does matter to your divorce recovery is that you’re actively seeking hope’s courageous promise.

4. REASSURANCE – find it in your gratitude.
You’ve already seen this in other situations, for example, the gratitude expressed by people who are mourning the loss of a loved one: they find comfort and reassurance by saying, “Thank goodness, he’s in a better place now” or, “I’m so glad his suffering is over.” Being reassured we are on the right track is essential, especially during the difficult times of divorce recovery.

Gratitude lies at the heart of accepting change and can give you that reassurance. Finding gratitude for the good in your divorce recovery affirms the fact that you are making progress. Gratitude opens us to be more receptive to accepting change and using it for good.

So… what now?

Know that you can relax in the knowledge that confidence, direction, courage, and reassurance are constant companions in your efforts to make a successful recovery from divorce. And if you need help digging a little deeper to discover them within yourself, be sure to call me a for a free one-hour consultation.