If you’re divorced or going through a divorce, you may be wondering how you’ll ever survive:
“I never thought I’d have to do this. I’ve never been in this predicament before.”
“Everything is new and threatening. I feel lost and afraid that things will never get better.”
These reactions are normal. Recovery from divorce is difficult at best. After all, it’s not something you personally do every day and feel competent at. However, it’s important to realize that you already possess all the personal resources you need to successfully recover from divorce.
What are they? I’m talking about the confidence that you can do it, a sense of the right direction in the midst of emotional chaos, the courage to press on when things seem unclear or even hopeless, and reassurance that you’re on the right track during the process.
And yes, I’m saying that you already possess them. In this first of two posts, we’ll take a look at two of your hidden strengths — and I’ll show you exactly how to find them.
1. CONFIDENCE: finding it in past blessings in disguise.
When it comes to successfully surviving unwanted change, we’ve all “been there, done that”. Think about it: getting over that awkward first love affair in junior high school, making a comeback after getting fired, or dealing with the illness or death of a friend or loved one: everyone has gone through unwanted change at some point in life. Eventually, when we come out the other side, we can still look back and see some good that came from the experience. In other words, we see the “Blessing in Disguise.”
Acknowledging a blessing born by change gives us confidence to face future change, including recovery from divorce. You may have no experience with divorce, but all life changes follow the same transition process. Therefore, what we learn from previous change we apply to divorce recovery. Blessings in disguise are tangible proof that we can do it again — because we’ve done it before.
The key to finding your confidence is simply to identify your blessings in disguise. These blessings are tangible proof that you can survive change again… because you’ve been handling change successfully all your life.
2. DIRECTION: finding it from your set of personal principles.
Going through a major life change, like divorce recovery, is like driving down the interstate in a fog. We try our best to keep the car in the road. However, when we drift too far to the left or right, we hear and feel the thump, thump, thump of the shoulder telling us we’re drifting off course. Our personal principles are the washboards that give us the thump-thump-thump warning we need when we start to drift off our desired path through divorce recovery.
Some principles will be especially important to maintain, while some of those important principles will be threatened by the divorce recovery process. To successfully navigate your recovery, you need to identify your core personal principles so you can protect and use them when faced with tough decisions in the recovery process.
Next week: Courage and Reassurance. Yes, you already have these, too.
In the meantime… to get a sense of the stressful reactions you may be having right now and how you compare to others in the same situation, take the Divorce Recovery Stress Indicator. And don’t forget that you can call me at 917-865-2710 for a free consultation in your smooth divorce recovery.