By Jerald Young, Ph.D.
This article answers the question, “Where do I find the courage to handle the uncertainty of making a recovery from divorce?”
Uneasy about stepping into the unknown future that is the essence of divorce recovery? Inside you will discover where to find the courage to move forward in the face of the doubt and worry caused by going through recovery from divorce.
Recovery from divorce requires us to make a “leap of faith” into an unknown future. Since we haven’t done it yet, we don’t really know for sure how it will turn out. Our personal source of hope gives us the courage to move forward in the face of the uncertainty.
But the hard question is, “Where can I go to find my personal source of hope?”
Hope Can Be Found Within Ourselves
A person’s “source of hope” might include an implicit trust in him or herself. People use their belief that they have the ability to handle anything that they may encounter to give them courage to face their recovery from divorce.
Hope Can Be Found in Others
Hope can also be found in a belief in the trustworthy, good intentions of their friends. They have experienced what they consider “trustworthy” treatment in the past, and subsequently trust others to protect them from harm and help them as they face the challenges of divorce recovery.
Hope Can Be Found in Our Philosophical Belief Systems
Still others’ seek their hope in more intellectual areas, like philosophy. We all have been exposed to explanations about what life is all about. Sometimes it seems to “fit with our experience” and therefore “makes sense” to us. We may not have called it “my philosophy of life,” but that’s what it is, nonetheless. Search that philosophy for its basis for hope, especially where it addresses the reasons for being optimistic about life. It will almost always hold out hope for making future transitions, including divorce recovery.
Hope Can Be Found in Our Religious Or Spiritual Beliefs
Some find hope in their spiritual beliefs. It may be in an organized religion. It may be a non-religious, spiritual belief in the existence of good in this world. A strong spiritual belief enables us to “act as if” good is there waiting for us in all unknown future situations.
Hope Can Be Found in Nature
Others find a basis for hope in the infinite complexity and beauty of nature. Some find it in the cosmos. Others find it in the microscope. Others find it in flowers, lakes, mountains, oceans. I had a client whose divorce recovery had been stuck for four years. Then she spent a week enjoying the woods of New Hampshire. When she returned the logjam that had been preventing her from moving on had broken up, and she was able to make a “miraculous” divorce recovery in the next four weeks.
Which Source to Use Does Matter
However, what it matters on is what makes sense to you personally! When faced with making our recovery from divorce, we must FIND our source of hope and USE it! There we will find the strength to know things will work out for the good. The result is courage to confront the demons that threaten our successful recovery from divorce