Divorce imposes a humongous change into the life of everyone going through it. It is normal human nature to resist any deviation from the status quo, or from “how things used to be.” As a result, it typically takes 3 to 5 years to “get over” a divorce. The Smooth Divorce Transition Program reduces that recovery time down to a few months.
How does it do that? It addresses the root cause of why a full transition usually takes so long: Resistance to Change. Then it walks you through a step-by-step process designed to dissolve the naturally occurring resistance to embracing the new life circumstances all divorces bring.
The Smooth Divorce Transition Program (entitled “I’m So Over My Ex, I’m Ecstatic!”) is a 3-step, 10-module divorce transition program for individuals whose divorce is final and who are ready to begin the divorce-transition journey. Each step is comprised of specific modules designed to move the participant one step closer to a swift and full transition from divorce. Figure 2 (see below) illustrates the process used by the program.
Is Your Divorce Final Yet?
For folks whose divorce is not yet final and there is turmoil in the relationship with the soon-to-be ex, then the 1st Things 1st Program provides direction and support as you navigate the 9 Stages of the Uncoupling Process. Click to See the 1st Things 1st Program
For folks whose divorce is final, or for those whose divorce is not final but there is no turmoil in their relationship with their spouse, the flow chart below describes the Divorce Transition Process.
Figure 2. The Smooth Divorce Transition (SDT) Program
The Smooth Divorce Transition Program
Progress through the transition process is monitored as the participant completes one module (shown as circles above) and moves on to the next. You always know where you are in the process, what you have already accomplished, and what you will undertake next. The 3 Steps of the Smooth Divorce Transition Program are broken down into 10 modules (see Figure 2 above). Each module is designed to identify and address a core problem unique to the divorce transition process that threatens your transition. Here is a short description of each of the 10 models.
Step 1: Stabilize Your Reactions to the Divorce
In Step 1, Stabilize Your Reactions to the Divorce, you identify and begin to dissolve the emotion-based reactions you are having to the divorce. You also begin to reduce the power of the reactions you have to giving up “how life used to be.” The modules of Step 1 are:
Module 1: Disentangle Yourself from Your Ex.
You are entering a new, exciting stage of your life. It is now time to start separating your life as it used to be from the life it is now becoming.
Module 2: Acknowledge the Trauma Divorce Caused.
Divorce is a traumatic incident in your life. You must identify what was actually injured and treat it in order to prevent it from defining the rest of your life. Like Marcia Salmon notes, “Divorce is an incident, not a lifestyle.”
Module 3: Accept Your Ambivalence about Your Divorce.
You did not get married to your ex because you hated him or her. There were good times. There were the not-so-good times. Getting divorced causes ambivalence and second thoughts which need to be identified and dealt with.
Module 4: Clarify Your Goals for Divorce Transition.
The vast majority of the times, people choose goals for their transition that virtually guarantee failure. What you need are goals that will lead to a successful life after divorce.
Step 2: Dissolve Reluctance to Accept Your New Life Situation
In Step 2, Dissolve Your Reluctance to Your New Life Situation, you remove the barriers to a successful transition. One barrier lodged in the past is our reluctance to give up the good things we enjoyed from our past life with our ex. The other barrier, tied to the future, is the fear of the unknown, the fear of not knowing what the future will bring. Working in tandem, these two barriers create a very strong Resistance to Change. In this step you confront and dissolve away this naturally-occurring resistance. You will eliminate your reluctance to accept, and then embrace, your new life situation. The modules of Step 2 are:
Module 5: Dissolve the Effects of Fear.
Fear of an unknown future keeps us stuck in the past. You must reduce that fear in order to embrace your future with hope and happiness.
Module 6: Dissolve the Effects of Loss.
All life transitions, wanted or unwanted, result in some loss. Divorce is no different. However, almost all of us think we have lost more than we actually have. Don’t grieve it if you didn’t lose it.
Module 7: Bring the Relationship to Completion
All relationships end with important things left unexpressed. Figuring out what those things are and dealing with them frees us up to move on without the baggage that divorce creates.
Step 3: Prepare for Your Future
In Step 3, Prepare for Your Future, you take what you’ve learned from the divorce process and envision a new life that is most satisfying and rewarding. The modules of Step 3 are:
Module 8: Prepare for a Relationship
A successful relationship requires that you get what you need. We must engage our head in addition to our heart if we want our next committed relationship to succeed.
Module 9: Recalibrate Your Life: The New You
Divorce offers you an unprecedented opportunity to redefine who you are and how you want to live the next chapter in your life in the most personally meaningful way.
Module 10: Use the Past to Plan Your Future
Now is the time to take what you have learned and lay out your map for a happy, productive life after divorce. Like Antoine de Saint-Exupery said, “A goal without a plan is just a wish.”
Divorce Transition Assessment Package
The Divorce Transition Assessment Package uses a proprietary survey to monitor your general progress through the divorce recovery process. Several aspects of recovery are measured at four different times in the program, including your reactions to your life after divorce, your ex, and your future. At the end of the program, a before and after comparison of the various dimensions of recovery will illustrate and document your successful recovery from divorce.