1. Divorce Recovery Program

Recovery from divorce is hard. The good news is YOU CAN DO IT. In fact, with some focused effort and a little help from your friends, you can recover from divorce faster than you ever thought possible.

When I first got divorced, I was at a loss for how to handle it. I thought no one else had felt the shock and shame I felt. Nor did I realize I possessed the necessary personal resources to get through the recovery process. I thought I had to make my “comeback” alone if I were to feel good about myself.

I knew I was afraid of venturing into an unknown future but I had no idea how to deal with it

Recovery from divorce requires us to confront the emotional reality of lost hopes and dashed dreams. We also have to confront our fears of an unknown future. When we are immersed in this emotional process, often we can’t see our options or understand the reality of the situation as clearly as when the pressure is off. We need someone whom we trust to help us handle this life transition effectively.

My Personal Experience
When I first got divorced, I thought I should be able to handle the recovery process by myself. To ask for help seemed an imposition and, quite frankly, embarrassing. However, I soon became aware that I was in over my head. Not knowing what to do, I reached out to a friend who was going through a relationship breakup himself. I asked him if he could be there if and when I needed him. He told me, “I will be there if I can.” I had chosen a change buddy who was only conditionally available. Intuitively I felt he could not be counted on. I sensed he was not an appropriate person to help me though the process. However, I did not have anyone else to turn to. Therefore, I “did it by myself.” Big mistake.

The Value of a Good Transition Partner
When effective, this person can significantly reduce the stress of change facing us. They can help us sort out the reality of the situation from our perceptions that are notoriously “squirrelly” during this time in our life. This person can clarify the “right-headedness” of our decisions and “right-size” the effects of our emotional reactions. I call such a person a “transition partner.”

However, not just anybody will do.

The Four Critical Qualifications Your Transition Partner Must Have:

(1) First, they should have NO PERSONAL AGENDA. Their only concern is your happiness and success – regardless of what the ultimate form or final arrangement may be.

(2) They should be able to tell you the TRUTH, even when it is not what you want to hear. That means you have to trust this person enough to give them permission to be honest with you, without endangering your relationship and friendship.

(3) They should have been DIVORCED before, preferably several years earlier. Only someone who has been through the process can fully understand what you are

Divorce Recovery and Your Hidden Strengths: Part 1

November 11, 2010

If you’re divorced or going through a divorce, you may be wondering how you’ll ever survive: “I never thought I’d have to do this. I’ve never been in this predicament before.” “Everything is new and threatening. I feel lost and afraid that things will never get better.” These reactions are normal. Recovery from divorce is […]

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Divorce Recovery and Your Hidden Strengths: Part 2

November 7, 2010

Last week, we talked about Confidence and Direction: two of the four hidden strengths you already possess, and how they can help you navigate a successful divorce recovery. This week, we’ll look at the other two: 3. COURAGE: find it within your personal source of hope. It takes courage to go through divorce recovery, and […]

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Divorce Recovery and Loss: Don

October 20, 2010

When it comes to divorce, we endure significant losses… and yet all too often we continue to add imagined losses to the pile. The more we do this, the more we distort our vision of reality, making it virtually impossible to see and solve the divorce recovery challenges ahead of us. Let me offer some […]

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Journaling: its role in your divorce recovery.

September 24, 2010

Part of the Smooth Divorce Recovery process includes daily journaling with a book that I’ve specially-prepared to address a different divorce recovery issue each day. Why is this an integral part of our process? Here’s an explanation drawn from

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The

September 16, 2010

Here is a short (1:45) explanation of the “Reverse Apology Letter” that is a unique tool for letting go of those parts of the past we no longer need.

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