4. In the News

Thus the headline declares. But are they on the road to recovery?

If Tiger and Elin are like most newly divorced couples, this latest headline isn’t a sign of closure. Sure, they can confidently breathe a sigh of relief that the legal process of divorce has concluded. But in reality — and if Tiger and Elin are each being honest with themselves — the road to smooth recovery from divorce is just beginning. Especially since they have children, and the road to recovery should include ongoing negotiations that allow them to parent effectively.

How long will it take Tiger and Elin to recover from their divorce? 3 weeks, 3 months… 3 years? Well, hopefully they won’t be fooled by the myth that “time heals everything”. Because more important than time will be the steps they take to recover from divorce.

(And for the record? Getting re-married doesn’t mean that someone has ‘gotten over’ their last divorce, either. Not by a long shot.)

Doing nothing is the standard “time and sympathy” approach to divorce recovery – and just how many years this takes is unclear. Reports vary: some predict 1 year of recovery for each year of marriage, while others say 1 year of recovery for every 2 years of marriage.

Two major research projects generally confirm these estimates. E. Mavis Hetherington’s study puts this time frame at 2 to 6 years. Wallerstein and Kelly found that the average time after a divorce for women to reestablish “inner equilibrium,” “external stability,” and “a sense of continuity in their lives” was 3 to 3½ years.

But seriously – is there a faster way? Yes. It’s called targeted program strategies: behavior-focused and attitude-focused, structured programs that walk the divorced client through the unique issues and challenges of the divorce-recovery process. Two examples include the Divorce Recovery Behavior Therapy Program (Wanderer and Cabot) and Smooth Divorce Recovery Coaching Program (Jerald W Young). Even though the programs come from related, but different, theoretical approaches (behavior therapy versus transition management and dissolving resistance to change) their results are quite similar. Both programs estimate it takes approximately 3 MONTHS (not years) to recover from divorce.

Sadly, Tiger and Elin’s divorce has regained headline status today. If they take the time to invest in a targeted program of recovery, they can both look forward to the rewards of getting over it and empowering themselves to move on.

If only there were a similar program to help the rest of us onlookers.

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